the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she peed on how many people?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
