my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
