We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
