I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Someone shit on the floor
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
