STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think your dad took our porno
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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