im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
