I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
