What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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