Where is the hickey?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
