So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
