Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
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