are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
