Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
