the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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