so explain again why im purple
no
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
