Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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