Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
