her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
