But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
