would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
