just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
