You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
