It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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