remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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