i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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