Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
