Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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