For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
