We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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