she woke up with a sticky ear
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
