Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
