You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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