yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
