My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
