I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
