the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
