..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
