Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
