Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Randomize
