shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
