He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
