why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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