If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
