There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i've created a new STD.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
