if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
