someone threw a dead crab at me
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
