I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
