every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
