i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
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