Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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